Queen of Lists

If you were to walk into my office right now and go through the papers at my desk you would more than likely find about 20 to do lists. I have always been the Queen of Lists. Am I the Queen of completing them? Mostly. I love the thrill of crossing things off a physical list. Just the other day I tried utilizing a to list on my phone and it didn’t give me the same satisfaction when I hit the check mark next to the completed task. Why am I this way? I’m still trying to figure that out.

At the end of the day instead of the things that I actually completed, I focus on the things that I didn’t get done. Then I beat myself up about it. My internal monologue sounds like… “I shouldn’t have sat down to rest for those twenty minutes.” “I should have gotten up earlier to work on things.” “Why can’t you come up with a consistent routine for your day?” It is an ongoing battle to give myself grace. And the hardest part of it all? Is that if I’m focusing on my business one day, that means the household duties were falling short. Yesterday, I felt that.

It was an exhausting day. It’s hard to know if it was because of all the running around or if it was because of my adult cat Junebug, that woke me up multiple times overnight as she jumped at our bedroom door to get in. I woke up as I normally do in the morning without an alarm, a little before 7am and I came down to my office to work on my very long to do list. I had the occasional distraction, probably from something I saw on Facebook or Instagram, but for the most part I felt like I was 'on' yesterday. I felt focused on work and that’s an amazing feeling for me. I even had a mini photoshoot with one of my beautiful models and best friends. However, the house was a disaster. I’d love to blame a large part of the disaster to the kitchen and our new dishwasher. We haven’t quite figured out how to work the dishwasher yet and to my understanding there are factory settings we need to adjust in order for it to dry properly. I’m not excited about unloading a dishwasher full of clean dishes but I’m extra unenthusiastic when I have to hand dry all of them! This is just another task added to my mental to do list. READ DISHWASHER MANUAL. Because I have time for that, right? Ha!

The night ended after I put my daughter in bed. Well, almost. I had to go up to her bedroom one time to help her find her favorite stuffed animal that she had misplaced in her room. She settled down about 9pm and I had an internal battle with myself. I know I needed to do things but my body was telling me to rest. I sat on the couch and turned on Netflix. I indulged in a very light show, ‘Sweet Magnolias’ while snuggling our foster kittens. I’d love to tell you how to quiet your mind as a business owner but I haven’t quite figured it out yet. The ‘Queen of Lists’ seems to be running ramped these days. For now, I’ll work on giving myself grace when my body tells me to rest. I’ll work on my self-talk. Things like, “You did enough.” “You’re doing all you can do.” And “you’re doing a great job” are not often words of affirmation I hear for myself. So let’s all try to give ourselves a little grace together, shall we?

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published